Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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