Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
