I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
