tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
