Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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