Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
