I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
