I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
