I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize