My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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