Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
