So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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