I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
