Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
