So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
