Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
