Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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