i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
