I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
