how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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