Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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