my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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