there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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