Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
