He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
