Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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