Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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