who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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