We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
