So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
