I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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