also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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