Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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