until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Couch. On fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize