I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
