Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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