And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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