my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
