we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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