he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
