If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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