I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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