This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You ate ashes out of my bong
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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