dude i'm inner monologue high
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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