apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
