Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
