worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
