at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
