Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cannot find my penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
