Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
