Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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