after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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