i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
