you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
