Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
