didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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