fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
