I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
