Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
