hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
