"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
