It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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