she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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