your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
