Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize