apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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