I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
