I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
