I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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