So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize